To be honest I was also surprised how smoothly my first day was in the New Year. I was flowing. I had never felt such a harmony on 1st of January before. This is even more interesting as the last day of the previous year was completely the opposite.
I was very nervous and tense, and I didn’t feel happy or good and this mood increasingly disturbed me. I didn’t understand as there wasn’t any reason of it.
Since I met Divine Self-Awareness I look differently my current feelings and events what happens to me. I know more and more about the law of energies and I can see and experience day by day how they work. I was aware of the fact it is better for me if I came out from this negative feeling, and I need to do this not only because I did like better the harmony, peace and tranquility, but because if I stayed on this low vibration level, I would attract events what I could avoid. It happened so many times to me in the past month, so I wouldn’t be warned further. I decided the best to do: raising my vibration level and meditate.
As soon as I started the meditation some feelings intensified very much such as: pain, suffering, fear and dread. Old memories relating to my dead mom came to the surface from very deep. There was a time in my life when it wasn’t easy to me with her for many years. With her behavior she didn’t give me any calm minute and kept me continuously in tension, I was mortified emotionally. She amused me like a cat with a mouse. In meditation I saw the picture in front of me: I tried to escape as a mouse but she tried to catch me, didn’t let me go. I tried to escape again and again but there was no escape, she played with me hard. She was calm, rigid and brutal, her strength was not slackening. My fight is hopeless. I feel I never let her go. At this time I turn to her with hope and I look at in her eyes and I was begging her: Mommy, please have mercy on me! Mercy, please… Mommy please. I wanted to continue the meditation to see what the end of this game was, but no more picture, no more feeling came. I was said and I felt helpless. I wanted but I couldn’t come out of it. I felt if I didn’t solve it, my soul would be hurt and I would feel badly even in my body. “I needed to suffer again” and it was very bad for my soul. Once my Ego’s power of wanting just gone, ego gave up its will to control, the continuous suffering ended, he gave up destroying everything around me and he gave up hurting myself again and again to feel the pain. My ego got tired and I was also tired… I gave up wanting, I let everything go, I didn’t want anything. I put my soul on the gold tray and passed to my Higher Self. Let’s happen what should have been happen: “Thy will be done”
I was waiting in calm, in peace. I asked my Higher Self to send me any sign why it happened to me. After it I just took a rest and came back and continued my day.
Evening – following my feeling – I watched “The Shack” movie. I spend the New Year’s Eve at home in peace and calm than I went to bed.
The sign what I asked during the day in meditation on deep conscious level – I got asleep. It was a wonderful dream; it left very deep emotional mark in me. I still feel that emotion here in my soul. In my sleep I saw my Mom but in a completely different quality as I know her in my life. She was around 50 years old, elegant, strong and healthy. We cleaned the house in harmony and peace, her room which was crowded previously full with unnecessary staff, now it was transparent, clean, and clear and ordered. There wasn’t any unnecessary thing in it. At that time I noticed two large, framed photos I hadn’t seen before. I couldn’t realized exactly who and how many people were on the picture but I had the feeling they were my family. It was interesting that they reflected on their faces happiness, joy, respect and loving of the life but it was completely different as I had known them before. It was a pleasant, warm feeling when I looked the photo. Suddenly it came to my mind this photo was taken by my Mom. I felt the softness of her soul, and I felt the reason why she took the photo. Her aim was to keep the photo for me forever and remember me of the power and feeling of saint family. I went to her and said thank you for the wonderful memory. I was very grateful for it. I hugged her and asked for pardon. Peace, love flowed between us. My Mom was very nice, understanding and conforming. She never showed me this kindness in her life. In the sleep I grabbed her hands, which were very calm and soft. It seemed very real and still I can feel the touch of her skin.
I was waking up in peace, harmony on the first morning of 2019. I still keep the message from my mother in my soul and feel the mercy which was never given to me when she was alive, but she could compensate it from beyond.
My dear Higher-Self, great mercy for the sign, you gave me and for the mercy which filled my total body.
B.
