This experience is the result of a series of realisations over a few days. I would like to share my experiences with You and show how much I had lived in the prison and captivity of my mind. I would like people like me, who are also the prisoners of their mind, to see from my example that how a deeply rooted thought, a programme can block you, can switch on automatically and unnoticed.
I can see and feel the changes in me I have achieved so far, however I feel that something is still missing – my life is still not whole and complete on a physical level. I know that self-awareness is a life-long path and the changes in me and in my environment so far are clearly noticeable and visible. Still, I am dissatisfied and impatient. I quite often ask myself: What else can I do? What else is missing? What do I do wrong? Where is the mistake that my life is still not whole and complete? What can I do so that my life is more whole and complete?
In these days and months I had the possibility and opportunity to change and turn my life around radically, but that big breakthrough still hasn’t happened. I asked my Higher Self to show me what I had to do to achieve this.
The first answer came in a dream: my deepest pain broke into surface that made me completely overwhelmed. This pain was deep-rooted with an undefinable cause. This pain IS simply there in the bottom of my soul with no origin or end.
When I woke up I physically felt pain and emptiness in the middle of my chest. I wondered what this pain was and why it left a void in me? This feeling was really unpleasant so I joined the golden string of the Sun and the string of the Magenta into the core of my soul in a deep conscious level. My Higher Self was doing its job: it lifted the pain from my chest as a ball-like energy package and it threw it into the Magenta. The alchemy of the soul in the Magenta burnt this pain out of me and it turned it into a Being of Light with healing powers that filled my soul and body. The pain and its scar I had been carrying inside of me for thousands of years was healed by the energy of Love. I felt that this healing was just the beginning. A process had started but more work was needed to be done. I have to return to this feeling and pain again. But on that day I was only able to achieve that much, because that was what I was ready for.
In the following days I meditated a lot and were releasing blocks that seemed separate from one another and all were about love. However, slowly but surely I was taken to my reality and this question arose: Why can’t I accept myself? I can feel and I know that I accept others based on universal love and the level I am at, but self-acceptance is missing. But, this is not completely true, because at a deep conscious level, when my soul is at rest and my mind is completely calm, I become one with myself and I feel love.
In the physical world I had had a huge battle with my ego, my mind, by the time felt that I was ready to face it. I asked my Higher Self to show me in the deep conscious the reason for my dissatisfaction, why I can’t accept myself.
A previous life opened up, whose events had left deep pain in me. The experiences of that lifetime had hindered the free flow of my thoughts in certain areas of my current life. Up until now had been thinking according to one pattern in this area of life. Whoever said anything I always heard the same thing, I always made the same consequences. I simply could not get out of this treadwheel. I consciously knew that my thoughts were the same again and again, and they got back to the same point where they had started. But the experience, the energy, the programme got stuck so deep in me, I simply could not escape.
This deeply fixed ”package” only brought frustration, doubt and dissatisfaction into my life.
With the help of the obtained energy-essence during meditation, with the feeling of “freedom of thought” for a few days now I have been consciously managing my thoughts. I consciously pay attention to myself and to my thoughts. As soon as I notice that I try to think “the old way” I immediately stop.
It took me years to realise and notice that my thoughts had imprisoned me, and it took me close to a year to let go, so that I could be able to part with this old and deeply fixated pattern.
