In the primary school I had a handsome, wealthy and cool classmate; every girl was in love with him. I knew how he behaved with girls: he got and dropped them. I knew he would do this to me if I spoke to him so I didn’t talk to him for a long time. Once somehow we met in a party, he was very gentle, lovable, he said nice things and I was sure he would treat me differently. I had my first sexual experience with him and of course he didn’t treat me better than any others. During meditation I could redeemed my pains pushed down into unconsciousness and I overwrote my first experience with love. But at the same time, I also felt I couldn’t forgive myself. I just realize today how low my self-respect was.
This meditation also shed the light on the reason why men in my life – including my ex-husband – could treat me badly. It was all because I didn’t respect myself so they just showed me mirror in order to learn. My other experience during meditation was when you mediated message from the Creator to leave behind my suffering self, and turn 180 degrees around and my life would change completely.
I felt afterwards like all of my negative thoughts about myself vacuumed out from my brain at top of my head. My throat chakra and my chin went numb, and then my face was in flame, tingled like I would have put hot towel on it.
I realized: no one told me at all, that I had to suffer, that I had to be sorry, that I did not have to be afraid of people, nor I was inferior to everyone. No one told me that I must be ashamed before others. I’m a wonderful created being, no one wants to cause pain to me and I don’t have to worry about myself. I get back from the people what I reflect on them from myself. If I show them negativity of myself, they will not love or respect me, if I give and show love to everyone, they reflect it back.
My task isn’t to run my old fixations, my old behavior patterns but to come over them and see who I’m in truth, see my real values, take care for myself, love myself. My task is to find my mission. After all this: peace and joy were in my soul that I have never felt before. The light of my soul was expanded and it was flowing out of me. Simple I’m the happiness and respect myself. I noticed I couldn’t say yes to things which is not good for me or I would have done it for the sake of the other since meditation. I didn’t dare to be honest or I didn’t respect myself long ago. Now something inside of me doesn’t let me do that, I must say honestly what I want.
Nowadays I have wonderful experience in meditations. However the meditation was over, something took me further I felt like I grew out of my body or stood up to a very high vibration level and I grew so powerful that I saw the whole planet I was a transparent-bodied creature whose neon-blue powers just lit up and gave the energy of love to the whole Earth. Then I lifted my right hand to my soul, the energy was flowing out, this energy was so good, it felt as if it had increased the vibration, I felt great happiness, freedom, then it took my hand to my throat chakra, as if some invisible armor had broken down, so I felt tingling and a huge flow of energy.
G.
